#source/youtube#tedtalk#relationship#parenting#tips
all parents yell,
no one knows what to do next
repair
parenting tips:
get good at repair
definition of repair
- the act of going back to a moment of disconnection,
- taking responsibility for your behviour,
- and acknowledging the impact it had on another
typical apology vs repair
apology - shut a conversation
repair - open a conversation
little romantic quote
better being a sinner in a world ruled by god,
than to live in a world ruled by the devil
(but its bad)
if you take the first one, you’re unaccepting reality
cause this world is not ruled by god,
suffering is everywhere
and it introduces self blame on your child
pre req repair
- repair with yourself
- identity not the same as what you did
identity != what you did
acknowledge this,
I am not proud of my behavior, and my behavior doesn’t define me
how to repair
- name what happen
- take responsibility
- state what you would do differently
example
i keep thinking what happened in the kitchen
I’m sorry i yelled
I’m sure that felt scary
and its wasn’t your fault
I am working on staying calm even when I’m frustrated
how to not repair
sorry i yelled
but if you wouldn’t complain about dinner, it wouldn’t have happened
or
you need to be grateful about homecook meal
why this is wrong?
it implies that
your child cause your reaction
and its false.
and its a bad model of emotion regulation
you control your emotion, not other people